5 Reasons Why a Relationship Cannot Resist Backlash of Infidelity

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Hey there! Ever wondered why some relationships fall apart after someone cheats? Well, let me break it down for you. See, when someone cheats in a relationship, it’s like dropping a huge rock into a calm pond—ripples spread out everywhere, causing all sorts of trouble. Trust gets broken into tiny pieces, making it hard to assemble again.

 And you know what? Cheating isn’t just about kissing someone; it’s also about getting too close to someone emotionally, like having a secret friendship with someone behind your partner’s back. The hurt from cheating doesn’t just stay between the two people involved—it messes with everyone around them, too. And even if the couple tries to move on, it’s like carrying a heavy backpack full of bad memories that won’t disappear. So, wanna know why 5 reasons why a relationship cannot resist backlash of infidelity? Let’s dive in!


Infidelity Shatters Trust

When someone cheats in a relationship, it’s like breaking a promise. Imagine if your friend said they’d share their favorite toy with you, but then they gave it to someone behind your back. That’s what it feels like when someone’s unfaithful. It’s not just about kissing someone else; it’s also about having a secret emotional affair, like having a special friendship with someone they shouldn’t. That’s cheating, too! 

And you know what happens when someone cheats? Trust gets shattered into a million pieces. It’s like assembling a puzzle without all the pieces—it’s impossible! You start questioning everything—like, can you believe anything they say or do? It’s tough, right? Betrayal from infidelity hurts deep down, and it makes it hard to feel safe and secure in the relationship again. That’s why trust is so important; when it’s broken, it’s super hard to fix.


 Emotional Affairs Leave Deeper Scars 

You know, cheating isn’t just about kissing someone else or doing stuff behind your partner’s back. It’s also about having a secret bond with someone you’re not supposed to. It’s like having a best friend that you hide from your partner. That’s what we call an emotional affair, and it can leave some really deep scars. 

Imagine if you had a favorite toy, but then your friend started playing with it behind your back. It hurts, right? Well, that’s how it feels when someone has an emotional affair. And you know what’s even worse? These scars can stick around for the rest of your life. It’s like carrying a heavy load of bad memories that won’t go away. That’s why it’s so important, to be honest and loyal in a relationship; emotional affairs can leave deep wounds that take a long time to heal.


Infidelity Breaks Down Close Relationships

When someone cheats in a relationship, it’s not just the two people involved who get hurt. It’s like when you drop a big stone in a pond, and the ripples spread. Friends can feel torn between supporting both sides, and family members might not understand why someone they care about is hurting so much. Even if the couple tries to move on, it’s like carrying a heavy backpack full of bad memories. 

And you know what’s tough? When someone cheats, it can mess up future relationships, too. It’s like the hurt from one relationship follows you into the next one. Trust becomes hard to give again, and feeling safe opening up to someone new is tough. So, you see, the damage from infidelity goes way beyond just the relationship—it affects everyone around, and it can stick with you for a long time.


Can Cause Redemption to Save Your Marriage

 When someone cheats in a relationship, it’s like breaking something really special. And even if they try to start fresh in a new relationship, it’s not always easy to make things right again. Imagine if you had a favorite toy that got broken. Can you fix it perfectly and make it brand new again? Probably not, right? Well, it’s kind of like that with relationships, too. 

Even if a person wants to leave all the hurt behind and start over with someone new, the scars from the past can still be there. Trust becomes like a fragile glass that’s been cracked—it’s hard to make it strong again. And you know what? Sometimes, the guilt and shame from cheating in the past can follow someone into their new relationship, making it hard to be happy together. So, starting over in a new relationship might not always offer the redemption someone hopes for.


Survive Infidelity As It Makes Whole Life A Havoc

When someone cheats in a relationship, it’s like causing a big mess that doesn’t just go away. It’s like when you spill paint on the floor—it’s hard to clean up completely. Even if a person tries hard to move past the cheating and make things right, the effects can linger for a long time. It’s like carrying a heavy backpack full of bad memories that won’t disappear.

And you know what’s even tougher? The consequences of infidelity can stick with you for the rest of your life. Trust becomes like a fragile vase that’s been shattered—it’s hard to put all the pieces back together. Even in future relationships, the hurt from being cheated on can still be there, making it tough to fully trust someone new. So, you see, the backlash from infidelity doesn’t just end—it echoes through your whole life.


Summing Up On 5 Reasons for the Negative Impact of Infidelity 

So, there you have it—five big reasons why infidelity can wreak havoc on a relationship. From the deep betrayal that breaks trust to the lasting scars left by emotional affairs, cheating doesn’t just hurt the couple involved. It can ripple outwards, affecting friends, family, and future relationships. Even if someone tries to start fresh in a new relationship, the shadows of past infidelity can still linger, making it tough to fully trust again. 

But hey, I’ve got something important to share before you go. If you want to dive deeper into the topic of infidelity and learn from someone who’s been there, check out “Cheating is Disgusting” by Sujo Horton. It’s a raw and honest account of one woman’s journey through infidelity, and it’s packed with insights that could help you navigate your relationships. So, what are you waiting for? Give it a read, and let’s keep the conversation going!


5 Ways How to Rebuild Self-Esteem After Infidelity from A Cheater

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So, you’re here, recovering from infidelity, feeling the effects of betrayal, and maybe struggling with your self-esteem. It’s tough being a cheater, isn’t it? You might have felt a rush of euphoria during the cheating, but now, facing the aftermath, it’s a whole different story. The trust is shattered, the marital bond strained, and you might even feel a sense of abandonment. 

But hey, there’s hope. Let’s discuss how you can rebuild your self-esteem after such a betrayal. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. We’ll explore five ways to help you navigate this tough road ahead. So, are you ready to rebuild, to confront the past, and to emerge stronger than before? Let’s dive in and discover how you can heal from this experience and rediscover your sense of self-worth.

Confront the Effects Of Infidelity

Alright, let’s talk about confronting the effects of infidelity. It’s a tough but important conversation on your journey to rebuilding your self-esteem after such a betrayal. When you cheated, did you consider how it would affect your partner’s trust? Did you think about the deep feelings of betrayal they might experience? It’s crucial to face these effects head-on to understand your actions’ impact. 

Take a moment to reflect on how cheating has shaken the foundation of your marital bond. Acknowledge the hurt and pain it has caused, both to your partner and to yourself. By honestly confronting these effects, you can begin rebuilding trust and restoring your self-esteem. It won’t be easy, but it’s a necessary step towards healing and moving forward from this difficult chapter in your life.

Embrace Feelings of Euphoria in Honesty

Now, let’s discuss embracing feelings of euphoria in honesty. Remember the rush you felt when you cheated? That temporary high might have clouded your judgment, but now it’s time to face the truth. Ask yourself, why did you cheat? What void were you trying to fill? It’s essential to be honest with yourself about your motivations and desires. Instead of seeking euphoria through deceit, embrace the liberating feeling of honesty. 

Reflect on how living authentically can bring a deeper sense of fulfillment and self-worth. By committing to open communication and transparency, you can rebuild your self-esteem on a foundation of integrity. So, are you ready to trade in the fleeting moments of euphoria for the lasting satisfaction of living truthfully? It’s a journey worth taking as you rebuild trust within yourself and your relationship.

 Invest in Rebuilding Trust 

Let’s talk about investing in rebuilding trust. After the betrayal of infidelity, trust becomes fragile, like delicate glass. Are you willing to handle it with care? Start by taking responsibility for your actions and showing genuine remorse for the hurt you’ve caused. Actions speak louder than words, so demonstrate your commitment to rebuilding trust through consistent honesty and transparency. 

It’s like planting seeds in a garden; trust takes time to grow, but it can flourish once again with patience and nurturing. Are you ready to water the seeds of trust with sincerity and integrity? Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and investing in its restoration is essential for rebuilding your self-esteem and the marital bond. So, are you willing to put in the effort and rebuild what was broken? It’s a journey worth taking for the sake of your relationship and sense of self-worth.

Seek Support to Rebuild Self-Esteem

Let’s talk about seeking support to rebuild your self-esteem. After experiencing the fallout from cheating, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed and alone. Are you willing to reach out for help? Surround yourself with trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can offer guidance and support. It’s like having a sturdy life jacket when you’re lost at sea; they can help keep you afloat during this turbulent time. 

Remember, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. It’s like building a sturdy bridge to cross a rough river; with the right support, you can bridge the gap between betrayal and self-renewal. So, are you willing to take the first step and seek the help you need? It’s crucial to rebuild your self-esteem and finding your way back to a sense of security and trust within yourself and your relationships.

Practice Self-Compassion and Self-Forgiveness

Let’s dive into the importance of practicing self-compassion and self-forgiveness as you rebuild your self-esteem after infidelity and betrayal. Are you ready to show yourself some kindness and understanding? Recognizing that you’re human and prone to making mistakes is essential. Can you forgive yourself for the betrayal you’ve caused? Holding onto guilt and shame only weighs you, like carrying heavy bags on a long journey.

 Are you willing to let go of that burden and lighten your load? By treating yourself with compassion, you can start to heal from the pain of betrayal. It’s like applying a soothing balm to a wound; self-compassion nurtures your spirit and promotes healing. Are you ready to extend forgiveness to yourself, just as you would to a friend who made a mistake? Remember, self-forgiveness is crucial to rebuilding trust and your self-esteem and finding peace within yourself.

Summing Up On 5 Ways to Rebuild Self-Esteem After Infidelity

After learning about rebuilding self-esteem post-infidelity, do you think you can try these steps? They’re like hugs for your heart, helping it feel better when it’s sad. Remember, it’s okay to feel sad or angry sometimes, but taking care of yourself and talking to people who love you can make you feel stronger again. So, will you give it a try? Imagine a big, warm hug from someone who cares about you. That’s how these steps can make you feel inside—warm, safe, and ready to face the world with a smile. 

However, if you want to rebuild self-esteem after infidelity, consider Cheating is Disgusting book by Sujo Hortan. In this autobiographical account, Sujo bravely shares her own experiences with infidelity. By learning from Sujo’s mistakes and insights, readers can gain valuable lessons to apply to their own lives. So, take the next step towards healing and self-renewal now!


5 Strategies to Thrive & Survive Infidelity in Your Relationship

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Feeling lost after infidelity? Wondering how to cope? You’re not alone. Dealing with betrayal can be tough. But don’t worry, we’re here to help. In this guide, we’ll explore five simple strategies to help you get through it. From talking about your feelings to asking for support, setting boundaries, taking care of yourself, and talking with your partner, we’ll give you tips to handle the tough times.

So, if you’re ready to take the first step toward healing, keep reading. We’ll guide you through the rough patches and help you find your way to a brighter future. Remember, healing takes time, but with the right tools and support, you can overcome the challenges of infidelity and emerge stronger than ever before. You’re capable of healing and growth, and we’re here to support you every step of the way.


Acknowledge Betrayal To Survive Infidelity

First things first – feeling hurt, angry, and betrayed is okay. Infidelity is a major breach of trust, and your emotions are completely valid. So, don’t bottle them up or pretend everything’s fine. Instead, take the time to acknowledge and process your feelings. Whether you need to scream into a pillow or cry your heart out, permit yourself to feel whatever comes up. By facing the betrayal head-on, you can begin to heal and move forward.


It’s essential to rebuild trust in yourself and your relationships, and that starts with being honest about your feelings and experiences. Remember, dealing with infidelity is a journey, and healing takes time. But by confronting your emotions and seeking support, you can navigate through the pain and emerge stronger on the other side. You have the strength to deal with infidelity and rebuild trust in yourself and your relationships.


Seek Support to Overcome Pain of Infidelity

Dealing with infidelity can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Contact friends, family members, or a therapist who can offer support and guidance. Talking about your feelings and experiences with trusted confidants can provide much-needed validation and perspective. Plus, having a support system can help you feel less alone during this challenging time. Remember, there’s strength in numbers, so don’t hesitate to lean on others for support.

Overcoming infidelity is a journey, and having a strong support network can make all the difference. Whether it’s a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or professional guidance, reaching out for help is a courageous step toward healing. So, don’t be afraid to reach out and lean on those who care about you. Together, you can navigate the challenges of infidelity and emerge stronger on the other side.


Set Boundaries to Make Your Relationship Survive Infidelity

Dealing with infidelity can be tough, right? But setting boundaries can help protect yourself. Wondering how? Well, think about what you need to feel safe and respected. That’s where boundaries come in.

So, what boundaries can you set to get over infidelity and survive? It could be about communication with your partner or taking time for yourself. Setting boundaries isn’t about punishing your partner; it’s about protecting your well-being.

Maybe it’s asking for honesty or space when you need it. Whatever it is, make sure it’s clear and consistent. You’re taking control of your healing journey by setting boundaries, which is a powerful step toward progress. Remember, you deserve to feel safe and respected, no matter what. So, don’t be afraid to set those boundaries and stick to them. You’ve got this!


Focus On Self-Care to Deal with Infidelity

Dealing with betrayal is hard, right? But focusing on self-care can help you rebuild and cope. Wondering how? Well, taking care of your body and mind is super important. So, what can you do to nurture yourself after experiencing infidelity? It could be simple things like eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising. Taking time for activities you enjoy can also help, whether reading a book, walking, or bathing. 

By focusing on self-care, you show love and compassion during difficult times. Remember, you deserve to feel good, even after betrayal. So, don’t forget to take care of yourself as you work through these emotions. And hey, reaching out for support from friends or a therapist can also be part of your self-care routine. You’ve got this!


Build Communication And Trust to Reduce the Effects Caused by Infidelity

Dealing with infidelity in a relationship can feel hard, right? But communicating and rebuilding trust together can make a big difference. Wondering how? Well, it’s all about talking openly and honestly about what happened. So, how do you start rebuilding the relationship after infidelity? It’s important to listen to each other, show empathy, and work together to rebuild trust.

Rebuilding trust might take some time, but by being open and supportive, you can start to heal together. Remember, it’s okay to seek help from a therapist or counselor if you need it. By facing the challenges of infidelity as a team, you can strengthen your relationship. So, don’t be afraid to have those difficult conversations and take steps towards rebuilding trust. You’re not alone in this journey; together, you can overcome anything.


Summing Up On 5 Strategies to Overcome Infidelity

So, there you have it – five strategies to cope with the effects of infidelity. Remember, feeling hurt and betrayed is okay, but acknowledging your emotions is the first step towards healing. Ask friends, family, or a doctor for help. Setting limits is an important way to keep yourself and your health safe. Taking care of yourself can help your mind and body.

Remember, communication and rebuilding trust as a couple can strengthen your relationship and help you overcome the challenges of infidelity together. Cheating is Disgusting by Sue Jo Horton is a great book to read if you want to learn more about the subject. This book offers a raw and honest account of one woman’s experience with infidelity and its impact on her life. By learning from Sue’s story, you can gain valuable lessons to apply in your life and relationships.


Exploring the Effect of Infidelity & Stress Disorder Between Cheating Partner

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Ever been on a rollercoaster? Now, imagine that ride as your emotions are thrown into disarray by an unwelcome guest: infidelity. It’s not just a betrayal; it’s a huge shift in how people trust each other that will last for a long time. Let’s talk about what happened next—the effects that don’t go away and play out like a psychological symphony. Infidelity is a scary thing that can happen in relationships. It creates feelings of anger and stress.

But what happens next after the dust settles? The echoes of betrayal persist. It often leads to a psychological dance that can resemble post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). During this intricate dance, the betrayed partner may have to deal with trust, vulnerability, and a trip into the unknown. However, in this article, we will talk about how infidelity can affect your mind. So, stay tuned and learn the psychological aftermaths of infidelity.


Identifying What is Infidelity 

Think of your romantic relationship as a delicate tapestry of trust and infidelity as the unwanted thread that pulls it all apart. It’s not just a betrayal; it’s a deep break that will have far-reaching effects. Have you ever thought about how the fallout makes you feel? The ups and downs of anger, confusion, and loss. And now, for the interesting part: the feelings of betrayal last long after the affair. It’s a mental symphony that sounds a lot like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Have you ever thought about how therapists become the ones who lead people through this mental maze? Their knowledge is like a guide that helps people find their way through the complicated healing process. There is also couples therapy. It is a powerful tool for fixing things that seem beyond repair. So, if you are someone who is tackling infidelity, try these therapies.


PTSD Effect of Infidelity

Hey, have you ever thought about the fallout from sexual infidelity? It’s not just about the betrayal itself; it’s about the lasting impact it can have on your mental health. When someone you trust is unfaithful, it can shake your world, leaving you grappling with a whirlwind of emotions. You might find yourself constantly on edge, replaying the betrayal in your mind like a never-ending loop.

These intrusive thoughts and flashbacks can disrupt your daily life and even trigger symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Imagine living with that constant hypervigilance, always looking for signs of betrayal. It’s exhausting, right? And the toll it takes on your mental health can be immense, leading to anxiety, depression, and a whole host of other issues. So, if you or someone you know is struggling with the aftermath of infidelity, it’s crucial to seek support and guidance to navigate through these challenges.


Hard to Rebuild Trust On Cheating Partner

It’s tough to wrap your head around why people cheat, right? The aftermath of infidelity can leave deep emotional scars. It makes it incredibly challenging to rebuild trust. Imagine constantly questioning your partner’s every move, wondering if they’re being faithful or not. It’s like living in a constant state of uncertainty, and that uncertainty can take a toll on your mental health.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) isn’t just something that soldiers experience. It can also affect individuals whom their partners have betrayed. The betrayal shakes your sense of security to its core, leaving you feeling vulnerable and anxious. And even if you try to move past it, those intrusive thoughts and memories can linger, haunting you long after the initial betrayal. So, how do you begin to rebuild trust after such a profound breach? Well, on your you have to figure out its answer.


Causing Health Consequences & Make Addicted to Substance Use

Infidelity can be like a domino effect, triggering unforeseen consequences. When someone finds out that their partner has betrayed them, they often go through a lot of mental turmoil. Some people use drugs or alcohol to dull the pain and get brief relief from their strong feelings. This way of dealing, though, often backfires. It leads to a vicious cycle of substance use and worsening mental health issues.

Instead of finding comfort, they sink deeper into despair, which makes their mental pain worse. Think about being let down by the person you trusted the most. Most people who see it deal with it through substance use. When you use drugs, you get stuck in a circle of addiction and mental pain. In the sad event that they have experienced infidelity, many people find themselves in this terrifying situation. So, it’s better to address the root cause of the pain and seek healthier ways to heal rather than resorting to harmful coping mechanisms.


Infidelity Illuminates Positive Thinking

Infidelity, often seen as a dark shadow, surprisingly has the power to illuminate positive thinking. Wait, let me explain. Have you ever thought about how getting through the fallout of betrayal can lead to growth and self-discovery? Finding a secret treasure in the ruins is like that. When someone cheats on their partner, they often start to think deeply about their own strengths and values.

Have you thought about how the bad things can lead to good changes instead of just focusing on the bad things? It’s not about ignoring the pain; instead, it’s about using it to change things. Infidelity shines a light on positive thoughts. It forces people to rethink their goals, build resilience, and find their true selves again. The journey isn’t easy, but it becomes an opportunity for growth. So, remember, in the midst of infidelity’s chaos, there may be seeds of positivity waiting to sprout.


Summing Up On Phycological Effects of People Cheat

So, my friend, we’ve entered the rocky world of infidelity, where feelings can run wild, and trust can break down. For some people, cheating is more than just being unfaithful; it’s an earthquake. Mental health is deeply affected by it. Moreover, sexual infidelity can cause mental health issues that stick around like shadows. The psychological toll is obvious, whether you’ve discovered a partner’s infidelity or you’ve been the victim of it.

The discovery becomes an unwelcome guest, intruding on your thoughts and triggering anxiety and PTSD. However, if you want to know more about how infidelity causes mental and physical disturbance, then read Cheating is Disgusting by Sue Jo Horton. For people who have been through infidelity, couples therapy can be very important in the delicate dance of healing. So, my friend, in the face of the storm of infidelity, you must admit the mental storm and its consequences.

Analyzing the Long-term Effects of Infidelity and Cheat Impact on Children

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Imagine your partner is engaging in infidelity. What would you feel at that time? Maybe your life becomes miserable after knowing it; this is the effect of infidelity. Infidelity isn’t just a word, it’s a trauma where a person betray another person in their relationship. It’s a shadow that creeps into the sanctity of relationships. Within married couples, infidelity may be a sensitive and complex issue that can affect future relationships. When parents break their promises, it’s not just mom and dad who feel the fallout. This issue can also have long-term effects on children as they have to deal with the wounds of infidelity.

Infidelity can hurt your life in any kind of relationship, whether it’s with a romantic relationship or someone close to you. However, in this article, we discuss how infidelity affects children in the long term. Come with us as we peel back the layers to find out how infidelity affects older children.


Shattered Effects of Cheat, Trust, and Infidelity 

Once someone’s trust breaks, as often happens with a betrayed parent, it is hard to recapture it. The effects of parental infidelity can have a huge impact on children. Growing up in a family where infidelity prevails, you lose trust in everyone. It also has negative consequences on other family members, which causes chaos. That’s when children may be most confused about whom to believe, especially in the case of a parent who cheated. This unfaithful act of cheating becomes a ghost. It haunts healthy relationships, making people suspicious and wary.

Adult children learn through infidelity that trust is both weak and strong. When one parent cheats on their partner, the children’s process of overcoming it becomes a delicate dance of weakness and power. Some may come out with a stronger ability to discern. However, others may have a hard time with emotional distress. When parents cheat on their kids, it affects younger children more than older kids. To overcome such a situation in life as a parent, you need a sexual and relationship therapist for relationship therapy.


Finding Stability Against Long-term Effects of Infidelity


Infidelity often sends shockwaves through the financial and emotional stability of a family. Adult children who used to be safe from the negative effect of their parent’s divorce are now suddenly a part of it. They no longer feel safe because their parents and family unit are not together. Instead, children of all ages have a nagging doubt about the abilities of relationships to stay together.

The effects of cheating can be especially hard to deal with when it comes to changing your relationships and family interactions. Adult Children whose parents make infidelity are afraid of marriage. They don’t want to make the same mistakes their parents did. Others might become very alert, desperately trying to rebuild trust. Parental infidelity on children leaves a lasting emotional impact on them.


Impact of Betrayal on Intimate Relationships

The impact of infidelity can be felt in the close relationships that the children form as adults. The act of cheating plants the seeds of doubt in children of parents who cheated. These seeds later grow into a garden of fear. Even the thought of recovering from infidelity is like walking a tightrope when the fear of infidelity is always there.

Regarding relationships, infidelity impacts a never-ending cycle of getting questions answered and answers given. There is always the fear of feelings of betrayal, making it harder to find love. Words like “unfaithful” and “infidelity” are woven into the emotional structure, like threads through a tapestry of intimacy. In infidelity, the ability to trust your partner becomes shattered.


Healing and Moving Forward Against Infidelity Impacts

Breaking the chains that were set by parental infidelity is a deep journey of self-discovery and strength. Adult children find the strength to heal and move on when they are going through a lot of mental pain. Once raw and immovable, the scars of betrayal become signs of victory instead of permanent wounds. As a strong elixir, forgiveness can change things and free people from the chains of doubt and insecurity. 

By reflecting on themselves, people can rise above the specters of “infidelity” and “unfaithfulness. They can take back control of their personal stories. The healing process has challenges, but the human spirit can get through hard times. He can find a way to connect with others in a better, more genuine way.


Cultivating Resilience Against Feelings of Betrayal

As adult children go through the rough terrain of healing, an important subplot plays out: family ties are re-defined. People go on a journey to become more resilient instead of letting the shadows of betrayal always hang over their family relationships. Not only do the scars of experiencing infidelity become signs of personal strength, but they can also change the way the family works. 

The word “betray” has a new meaning in this part of the healing process. It’s an invitation to build stronger, more real ties that go beyond the pain of the past. The story goes from being about broken trust to being about healing, and family stops being a place of betrayal and starts being safe.


Summing Up on the Emotional Impact of Infidelity

In the intricate exploration of the long-term effects of parental infidelity on adult children, the narrative converges on a poignant conclusion. The redefining of family ties shines like a light of hope and strength, rising above the pain of betrayal. As people work through the complicated process of healing, the word “betray” changes into a chance to start over. The scars of cheating become not only signs of how strong a person is, but also ways for the family to build better, more genuine relationships. The story ends not with echoes of cheating, but with a successful story of growth and healing. However, if you are looking for a book that can help you to overcome the impact of infidelity, then read “Cheating is Disgusting” by Sue jo Hortan. With her personal life experience the author shares ways to overcome the trauma of infidelity.


By blogsNo Comments

Why blog, Rolland B? You want to write about K-12 public education? You don’t even have an “Ed.D.” after your name, let alone a “Ph.D.” Are you out of your mind? Okay … OK … good question. But I have a doctorate from the University of Hard Knocks! I admit I am not a social scientist, a pundit, or a philosopher. I am not even a good writer … I’d rather speak than write. What I am is an avid student of U.S. history and contemporary politics – I had memorized Lincoln’s Gettysburg address when I was in high school in my former country – and I value and am truly grateful for the blessings of American democracy, having come from a country ruled by a conjugal dictatorship for two decades.

If I had not left the country of my birth at the time that I did, it’s quite possible I could have fled to the hills and become a rebel, taking up arms against a burgeoning dictatorship. Thankfully, one mid-November day years ago, Lady Liberty welcomed me into these shores with open arms, even gave me a green card right then and there.

But … back to your question, my friend. “Why blog, Rolland B?” was the question. I guess the philosophical answer is, I want to exercise my free speech rights enshrined in the Bill of Rights. The more practical answer is: I have something to say … I have something to contribute, and I will say it via my blog posts to share it with people who read my blog – no matter how modest my contribution might be.

The real reasons are more nuanced than that. Shortly after walking away from my CPA practice – where my small audit staff and I specialized in conducting the mandated financial and compliance audits of about twenty school districts located in three counties in Northern California – I felt that I had wasted a good part of my life. I judged myself as a failure – a colossal failure – in many ways … as a professional and as a family man.

Years before, instead of running for reelection or aiming for higher office, I chose to retire from public office and did not run for reelection. A year earlier, I quit evening law school … for the second time! Many years before, during the first year of my CPA practice, I entered law school at Western State University in Fullerton, Orange County, CA – and then quit after ten months of law schooling.

You see, when I quit law school for the second time, I was completely at peace. I concluded that all of Southern California would NOT slide into the depths of the Pacific Ocean if the name “Rolland B” did not appear ever on the roster of the California Bar.

Nine years after retiring from my CPA practice, it dawned on me that I’m still trying to find myself! Can you believe that? It is as if I have yet to set my appointment with destiny. A man – in the twilight of his life – is looking for something to do, a job with some meaning, a mission to fulfill … something with even just a hint of nobility of purpose.

Although my eleven years in public K-12 central office administration were satisfying, personally and professionally — I was an assistant superintendent, business services with a K-8 school district and chief operations officer with a large unified school district — it was my service as an elected school board member in a large suburban unified school district somewhere in Southern California that deepened and broadened for me my understanding of the challenges … and the opportunities … in the K-12 environment.

Now, the idea of blogging about K-12 public education and its role in American democracy … gets me feeling revved up and driven again. It gets the adrenalin flowing. The job of rookie blogger, writing about (a) K-12 public education, as its self-appointed cheerleader and (b) the all-encompassing topic of American democracy, as its self-proclaimed super-fan, could prove to be my belated and final calling.

As mentioned in the Home page, I plan to raise questions to stimulate discussions about America’s K-12 public education system and the important role it plays in preserving, protecting and defending the longest running experiment in democracy the world has ever known.

On this maiden blog post, I salute the unsung heroes and heroines of the K-12 public education enterprise. I’m referring to the millions of underpaid teachers and their non-teaching colleagues – including the office clerks, cafeteria workers, custodians, ground keepers, maintenance workers, school bus drivers and others – who help facilitate the delivery of critical instructional programs in public K-12 school districts across the U.S.A.

I must also salute the thousands of K-12 school district superintendents and their fellow central office administrators, including site administrators, for their leadership, for being in the frontlines of educating young people. I consider K-12 school district superintendents a special breed of professionals, leaders for whom I have utmost admiration and respect.

I also salute the thousands upon thousands of school leaders and volunteers with PTAs, PTOs and other booster groups busting their tails, in fundraising and other activities in support of their local K-12 schools.

Finally, I must address America’s school board members – people from all walks of life, of all hues and colors, of all political persuasions – who stepped up to the plate to serve on local boards of education. You are also called trustees! In a real sense, you are. Your constituents, with their votes, have entrusted you to become custodians of the futures of young men and women, upon whose shoulders depend the preservation, protection and defense of the longest experiment in democracy the world has ever known. Yours is, at times, a thankless job. At the same time, yours is a MONUMENTAL job. In your hands – and not in the hands of the political leaders in dysfunctional Washington – lie, in large part, the answer to the paramount question of whether “the government of the people, by the people, and for the people shall not perish from the earth”.

In more ways than one, the work that you do as school trustees will influence, one way or the other, the caliber of future citizens you produce at high school graduation.

Which is to say, truly: Will Lincoln’s immortal words at Gettysburg find life, meaning and substance in the future adult lives of your high school graduates, because your educational system inculcated in them the virtues of core democratic values and constitutional principles while they were captive clients of the local K-12 system?

My future posts will touch upon the following key topics, among others:

  • Purpose of Education: What’s the purpose of K-12 education? Beyond academics, beyond college and work preparation, the purpose of K-12 education should be, very simply, to prepare students to be good citizens in America’s democratic society. K-12 public education should be about more than academics. Have the words good citizenship, democracy and democratic society found some space in each and every K-12 school district’s MISSION STATEMENT?
  • Inequalities in K-12 School Funding/Spending: Almost seven decades after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled “separate but equal education” was unconstitutional, a different form of unequal education has become the norm, in the form of serious K-12 funding/spending disparities among states, on the one hand, and among K-12 school districts within each state, on the other. How does this condition square with the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution?
  • K-12 Merely a Federal Interest: K-12 public education has long been considered to be a local responsibility, a state function and a federal interest. Merely a federal interest, rather than a core federal responsibility! Is it desirable for K-12 education NOT being the national government’s responsibility – in the context of K-12 education’s critical role in preparing students to be good citizens who could be depended upon to help preserve, protect and defend American democracy? I contend that the federal government’s involvement in K-12 public education ought to be elevated from mere federal interest to increased federal responsibility…in the same manner that national security is, and has long been, a federal responsibility.
  • America’s Underpaid Teacher Corps: How much longer will the United States allow hard working, under-appreciated teaching corps in the K-12 system to be woefully underpaid? What does that say about the value society places on the work of people into whose hands we have entrusted the critical task of molding the hearts and minds of America’s youngsters so that they become good citizens and responsible leaders of this nation?
  • The Great Equalizer in a Democracy: Is there any doubt that in American society, K-12 education promotes equality of opportunity. For millions of America’s youth, public education is the only equalizer they have. It’s their gateway to participation in the nation’s economic life. Public schools have long been the backbone of our democracy, not just because they can train citizens, but because of what they say about individual worth and opportunity.
  • The Case for Values Education: American democracy is in peril. Congress ought to pass a law mandating Values-Based Education – “values” being defined as consisting of CORE DEMOCRATIC VALUES and CONSTITUTIONAL PRINCIPLES – for implementation by all public K-12 school systems across the U.S.A. Inculcating in the minds of our youth America’s core democratic values is not just necessary, not just desirable, but an absolute imperative – if we are to ensure that “government of the people, by the people, for the people” does not perish from the face of the earth.
  • A Clarion Call for School Boards: If Congress does not act, local school boards and state boards of education must come to the rescue. School boards can embark on an organic crusade to create a renaissance in K-12 education by adopting and implementing (if they have not done so) a values-based K-12 curriculum with strong emphasis on inculcating America’s core democratic values and constitutional principles in the minds and hearts of their students.

More than any other institution in American society, school boards are well positioned to preserve, protect and defend the longest running experiment in democracy the world has ever known, in effect helping to “spread the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity.”

If I had the luxury of time, my blog posts would be two or three times weekly.  But because I’m busy running a small business which got launched just a few months ago, my blog posts would come out weekly, for now.

Blog With A Purpose

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The purpose of this blog – my MISSION — is to raise questions and stimulate conversations about America’s K-12 public education system and the important role it plays, or should K-12 play, in helping to preserve, protect and defend the longest running experiment in democracy the world has ever known. American democracy is in serious jeopardy – having been undermined and threatened on so many fronts. Ample evidence from recent history has made it abundantly clear that American democracy is fragile and can be shaken to its foundation. In concert with other institutions of American society, the K-12 system is well positioned – and has both the challenge and the opportunity — to come to the rescue, to increase the chances that American democracy is preserved, protected and defended for the sake of our children and grandchildren and generations yet unborn.

What Is the Purpose of Education?

By blogsNo Comments

Greetings, Mr. school board member, Miss/Mrs. school board member!  Glad we can talk!

“What is the purpose of education? This question agitates scholars, teachers, statesmen, every group, in fact, of thoughtful men and women,” Eleanor Roosevelt wrote in the 1930 article, “Good Citizenship: The Purpose of Education,” in Pictorial Review, cited in Willona Sloan’s “What Is the Purpose of Education?” article for the ASCD Education Update, July 2012.

A report from Public Agenda by Rebecca Silliman and David Schleifer titled “WHERE AMERICANS STAND ON PUBLIC EDUCATION” is illuminating.  The report’s findings include the following:

“…Americans believe public education should not only focus on academics and college preparation but should also help students develop career and interpersonal skills and prepare them for citizenship and the workforce.

While Americans do most often cite academic preparation as the main goal of public education, half believe the main goal should be either to prepare students to be good citizens or prepare them for work…” (emphasis mine);

  • “…Most Americans also believe it is important for K-12 education to teach students to be good citizens….Eighty-two percent of Americans say it is extremely or very important for students in public K-12 to learn to be good citizens.” (emphasis mine)
  • “Fewer than half of Americans believe their local public schools are doing a good job at preparing students for college, the workforce or to be good citizens….only 34 percent think schools are doing a good job at preparing students to be good citizens….” Based on PDK International’s 2016 48th Annual PDK Poll; (emphasis mine)
  • “…Most federal and state policies focus on academic success and college preparation. Many Americans feel, however, that public education should be about more than academics. Many believe public schools should offer career training, help develop interpersonal skills and prepare students to be good citizens ….” (emphasis mine)

In the context of this report, it would be a fair statement to say that the American people prefer democracy to any other system, and that learning to be “good citizens” means learning about our core values of American constitutional democracy, and that part of  K-12 education’s goal ought to be to produce graduates who’ll take the responsibilities and duties of citizenship seriously … which in turn would increase the chances that the “government of the people, by the people and for the people will not perish from the earth” – a fervent hope of Abraham Lincoln.

In other words, if you, as school board members – through your actions, policies and practices, in concert with your administrators and teaching and non-teaching staff – produce graduates steeped in the core values of American constitutional democracy, the idea of preserving, protecting, and defending American democracy for the benefit of present and future generations, becomes all the more attainable.

To each K-12 school board member or school district superintendent, then, the following questions would seem pertinent:

  • A K-12 system’s MISSION STATEMENT represents the system’s blueprint for success or its navigational GPS. Do the words or the terms “civic and history education” or “responsible citizenship and American democracy” appear as part of your school district’s MISSION STATEMENT?
  • Specifically, is “teaching or preparing students to be good, responsible citizens” or “civic and history education” part of your school district’s MISSION STATEMENT? If not, why is that the case?
  • Without purpose and direction expressed in your school district’s MISSION STATEMENT, aren’t you in effect suggesting that preparing students to be good citizens is an unworthy goal? Without such a definite goal or purpose, aren’t you leaving its accomplishment to chance?
  • When attending workshops on school board governance, you, as school board members, are invariably advised and trained to restrict yourselves to the BIG PICTURE – which means policy-making. You are advised, “Keep your hands off the school system’s operational details. Operational details properly belong to your school district’s administration. Don’t intrude on the administration’s bailiwick.”
  • Could there possibly be a PICTURE displayed in a MISSION STATEMENT bigger than the grandiose goal of preparing students to be good citizens, to increase the chances of preserving, protecting and defending the greatest experiment in democracy the world has ever known? So that “the government of the people, by the people and for the people shall not perish from the earth”?
  • If you sit on a K-12 school board, why wouldn’t you want to have such a grand and noble purpose, among others, as preparing students to be good citizens of American society, a society designed to be a bastion of democracy?
  • board member, Miss board member, Mrs. Board member … with all due respect, you are basically saying, to your community, that preparing students to be good citizens is NOT that important, unworthy of inclusion in your MISSION STATEMENT! Really? Is there anything else that can produce a jolt of greater direction, greater purpose, and greater meaning for K-12 education — for American society’s sake — than preparing students to be good, responsible citizens?

Though my memory is very poor, from a two-page set of handwritten notes I had saved from a board discussion on mission statement in April 1988 (the bulk of my files from eight years on my local school board are gone), I had written down questions like:  ‘Society’ is mentioned, but why not call it ‘democratic society’?  How could we use the term ‘global society’ but be reluctant to say ‘democratic society?  And why is the word ‘democracy’ nowhere in our draft?

What ultimately happened to my local school district’s MISSION STATEMENT at that time, I have no vivid memory.  What revisions may have transpired since then, I have no idea.  All I know is that the current MISSION STATEMENT of my old local school district can stand some improvement, as it relates to civic and history education – what I’d call values education.

My perspective in 1988 was – and still is – the perspective of a naturalized immigrant who fled a dictatorship and, consequently, now adores Lady Liberty and worships at the altar of American democracy.

Yes, I confess.  I now worship at the altar of American democracy.  If you ask me what my religion is, I might be tempted to say, “My religion is democracy!”  I am truly forever grateful for the many blessings America has given me and my family all these years.  America was – and still is – my refuge.

Several months ago, out of curiosity, I visited the websites of almost 500 school districts — 491, to be exact (top ten districts in enrollment in each state in the U.S., with Hawaii being a single-district state) – to find out if the goal of preparing students to be good citizens is part of their MISSION STATEMENTS, or if the words ‘American democracy’, if not just ‘democracy’, somehow found some precious space in their MISSION STATEMENTS.

NONE of the 491 school districts had values education as part of their MISSION STATEMENTS.  You know what else I found?  The goal of preparing students to be good citizens appears in the MISSION STATEMENT of just ninety-six school districts, or twenty percent (20%) of my sample.  For a huge chunk of the rest of my sample, for the great majority, 395 — eighty percent — the answer is a disappointing NO!  In other words, “good citizenship” was deemed not that important, so it did not merit any mention on their MISSION STATEMENTS.

This is incredible.  I don’t get it.  It appears that many school board members all across this great country of ours do not deem it proper and fitting to include the goal of preparing students to be good citizens as a key part of their MISSION STATEMENT!

If we extrapolate the results of my random survey, assuming that they represent the whole universe of roughly 13,600 school districts, it would be fair to say that we have reached a very sad – indeed ‘depressing’ — state of affairs in the K-12 education community.  It would appear that great number of America’s school board members do NOT deem it fit to include ‘good citizenship’ as one of the purposes of K-12 education!  Really?

From my layman’s vantage point, I strongly contend that VALUES EDUCATION – which I define as education on core values of American constitutional democracy, such as life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, equality,  TRUTH, as well as rule of law, separation of powers, representative government and civilian control of the military — ought to be a key component of every public K-12 school board’s MISSION STATEMENT.

“The only title in our democracy superior to that of President is the title of citizen,” Louis Brandeis once said.  “A democratic form of government, a democratic way of life, presupposes free public education over the long period; it presupposes also an education for personal responsibility that too often is neglected,” according to Eleanor Roosevelt

I’m sorry if I’m nagging you.  But … what could be a more noble purpose of education than to inculcate in the minds of our youth the CORE VALUES OF AMERICAN CONSTITUTIONAL DEMOCRACY?

In the grand scheme of things, at the end of the public K-12 production line – I’m not in the least comparing our precious young ones to widgets — what could be a better outcome than turning impressionable youngsters into highly responsible citizens in adulthood with the requisite “civic knowledge, civic skills, and civic dispositions“ whose conduct and behavior could, or would, help to preserve, protect and defend the longest-running experiment in democracy the world has ever known?

Forgive me, but I just wanted to know.  By the way … THANK YOU for serving on the school board.  I know it can sometimes be a THANKLESS job.  I hope the people in your community appreciate the time, effort, and energy associated with your service.